Designed to encourage suicidal thoughts by Avalon Hill in 1960, Management allows you to be the boss and all the tantalizing minutiae, paperwork and responsibility that comes with it–but none of the compensation. Who doesn’t want to come home from a long day at the office and break out a board game where we can get right back to our desks and crunch some numbers? Even the 50 shades of brown throughout the design gets me salivating for peak efficiency and maximum market value. I hear the employee evaluation expansion is coming out soon and I can hardly contain myself.

Published in 1967 by Milton Bradley, I present to you: Kreskin’s ESP. Wait…did you already know I was going to say that? If so, you have the gift of extra sensory perception and should use this state of the art, scientifically proven game to hone your ESP. Dazzle your friends at parties by using a mystic pendulum to tell them their love life, aura, or next trip. Or, if all else fails, use the magic pendulum for sexy-times in the bedroom. Seriously, am I alone in thinking this is purely an “adult” game? Anyways, I predict this game will disappoint you. Give it a try and let me know if I have ESP.

In honor of tonight’s final presidential debate, I thought it appropriate to feature the TRUMP board game game, originally published by Milton Bradley in 1989 and continues to be republished by Parker Brothers (until such a time as Trump Publishing is done with its litigation). Don’t worry, the object of this game is simply to make the most money. The Trump 4 Prez 2016 board game is behind schedule because all playtesters been fired and declared losers.

When the TRUMP board game was first released, Donald Trump surprised Milton Bradley at the unveiling by declaring that a portion of proceeds would be going to charity. The game was intended to rival the sales of Monopoly, but instead fell abysmally flat. Trump blamed the game for being too complicated. Despite it’s failure (falling 1.2 million copies short of projections) over $800k from its revenue did find its way to charity as promised–directly into the Trump Foundation.

A rare and abstract game published in 1983 by Nike and Cooper (NAC), “The Backbone” is a mystery. The box features a man playing a game by himself painted on the back of a woman. In case you didn’t already suspect the lonely, suited man was also the creator of the game, his head is conveniently floating off to the side for no discernible reason. Please take note that this game is “just only for intelligent people.” I can only assume by this statement that the creator has yet to play the game.

Today I present Uncle Wiggily, originally published by Milton Bradley back in 1916. Intended to be a children’s game, I personally find this to be the stuff of nightmares. Some rhino thing wants to club you. A fancy-looking fox wants to eat you. An alligator with an ascot has sinister intentions. Also, my parents forbade me from going anywhere near my Uncle Wiggily’s house unsupervised, so really this whole thing is a nonstarter.